Sometimes I swear I'm as bipolar as Britney Spears. One day I'm feeling totally discouraged by my job and wonder if I did the right thing by leaving my old job, the next day I'm feeling totally motivated to make a difference in the lives of these kids.
Today was a good day at work. One of my problem children had a really good session, and I realized that he's been acting out because the materials I've been using with him have just been too hard. He responded much better when I used younger materials, and I think he just might no longer be one of my problem kids. Also, two of the kids I sort of dread on Wednesdays were absent today. I feel a little bit evil for being happy about that. I was also really productive today, although part of the reason was because two of my sessions were canceled due to the aforementioned absences. Sometimes I feel grateful for the cold and flu season. I'm going to burn in hell, aren't I?
I went to a meeting with all of the other speech therapists in the district after the school day ended, and realized that I shouldn't feel bad for not knowing the exact procedures I'm supposed to follow because there are no exact procedures. People were launching situational questions at the program specialist and instead of saying, "This is how we handle things in these situations..." she was thinking things over and saying, "Well, I think technically we do this..." or "Well, what I would do is..." That in itself is kind of frightening, but it made me feel like I'm not as incompetent as I've been worried I am.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow, because I have no meetings and no pressing assessments to take care of, so I can just concentrate on pushing in to the classroom at my early intervention center. And I don't have to be there at any specific time, so I'll probably get there between 8:00 and 8:30. It'll be the first time this week I haven't had to report to work before 8:00. I'm grateful for the little things.
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